Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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