i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
