Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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