Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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