my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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