Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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