You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
