How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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