Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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