There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
