i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
