R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
