I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
