2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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