i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
