and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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