textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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