I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
