she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
