i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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