Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
