Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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