So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
