i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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