So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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