around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
