Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
