I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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