you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
