So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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