Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
