4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
