HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
