I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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