Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
