where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
