Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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