One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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