We named our party play list daddy issues
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
