well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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