i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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