NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
