You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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