Define "chronic" masturbator.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize