ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
