dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
