so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
