I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
PANTIES FOUND
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
