so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
