How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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