break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
