Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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