My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
