Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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