You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize