I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
