Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
