There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
