he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
