If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
