I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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