I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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