I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
