Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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