sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
