forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
