I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please come you make the beer taste better
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
